[Beowulf 2.0] Chapter 3: Beowulf vs. The Dragon, Part 1

Long before Beowolf was able to go to the bathroom by himself, there was a criminal on the run from the police. In one hand he carried a pistol; in the other he carried a bag with five-million dollars in bonds.

            It was understandable that he didn’t want to get caught.

            “I need somewhere to hide this dough from the fuzz,” he thought desperately.

            Just then the answer hit him like he had run full tilt into it, which he had. Looming above him was an old, abandoned apartment building with boarded up windows and a sign that read BY ORDER OF CITY GOVERNMENT, THIS BUILDING HAS BEEN CONDEMNED.

            Underneath that someone had written CHEAP THRILLS AND EASY PICKIN’S

            The criminal didn’t know what exactly the second one meant, but he knew for sure that the po-po would never look in a broken-down old building that was going to be demolished.

            So he heaved the bag through a broken window and heard it hit the ground in what sounded like a sub-basement.

            Confident that he would be able to return to retrieve his ill gotten gain later, he continued his sprint away from the law.

            Just as he left the alley, he was ambushed by several officers who clapped the cuffs on him and took him to the slammer.

            Several weeks later, the thief was sitting strapped to an electric chair in the police station. Outside the tiny, barred window high on the wall, he could see the building where his loot was hidden.

            Suddenly there was a muffled explosion, and the building seemed to fall in on itself, finally landing in a heap and making a cloud of dust.

            “Darn it,” were the thief’s last words.

The years passed, and soon work began on a new apartment building where the old one had been. The foundation on the old building had been sound enough to put the new building on, but the city still wanted the construction crew to put in support structures within the foundation just to be safe.

            One of the workers pouring the support columns was a young man nicknamed “The Dragon” because of his strength and unpredictable personality. It was his lunch break, and he was trying to find a cool place to sit down and eat his peanut-butter on garlic bread.

            He found a nice, shady corner in a remote part of the old support structure area that had probably once been a sub-basement of sorts. He sat down on a cloth covered stack of stuff…

            …but the cloth collapsed under him and he landed heavily on his rump.

            “What the heck?” he said, turning to the cloth that now had an imprint of his buttocks on it. Upon closer inspection it revealed itself to be a sack with a string tied at the top. There was writing on the bag that read CITY BANK, which made the normally very legally minded man open it.

            Inside were many strips of paper, each with very legal looking writing on them. All he cared about, however, was the prominent number on the papers:

            $100,000

          There were dozens of the papers in the bag, and the man felt his eyes go wide.

            He heard the workers getting closer. He realized he had two options:

            1. Have everybody find it, return it to the bank, and live with a clear conscience.

            2. Have fun.

            He grabbed the bag and walked quickly through the foundation to his pick up, all the time looking over his shoulder for anyone following him. Then he opened the tool box, put the bag inside, and locked the tool box. Then he put the key the glove box of the truck, and locked that. Then he locked the truck, put the key in his lunch box, and hid it under the tool box.

            Confident in his circuitous locking method, he returned to work, trying to stop himself from jittering with excitement.

Bob who was called Beowolf jittered with excitement. He was at Le Châteaux Ordures, the most fancy, most over priced, most suffocatingly atmospheric restaurant in the tri-city area.

            But it wasn’t the two story fountain that had his attention, or the realistic murals of kitchen scenes that even the waiters walked into accidentally, or even the string quartets simultaneously harmonizing and upstaging each other.

            What held his attention was the person sitting opposite him. This person was sitting, taking in the atmosphere. The person would look at Beowolf, smile, and then turn away shyly.

            This person was Lily Haroldson. To the average passerby, she had brown hair that fell around her ears and green eyes.

            To Beowolf, she was the most beautiful woman in the world.

            He was aware that his legs were moving like RLS on steroids. He attempted to nonchalantly stop them, but Lily put her hands on his before he could move.

            “Don’t be nervous,” she said. He immediately began to break out in a sweat.

            The last few hours came back to him.

            He was at the Sam’s Club in the employees’ lounge. He had returned because his previous manager was really the only person he could trust to help him. He was attempting to tie his tie, but all his four-in-hands became square knots, and his Windsor knots became granny knots.

            Eventually his previous manager, Jim who was called Hrothgar, entered and said, “Do I seriously need to tie your tie for you?”

            “If you don’t mind,” Beowolf said, holding out the ends of the tie.

            As Hrothgar’s hands flew over and around each other he said, “So you’re taking Lily out tonight?”

            “How did you hear?” Beowolf asked.

            “It might’ve been the fact that all day you’ve been bouncing around randomly saying her name.”

            “That might’ve been a giveaway.”

            Hrothgar finished. Around Beowolf’s neck was a perfect Windsor knot.

            “Remember this,” he said in a hushed tone. “You like your job but you want something more. You like long walks on the beach and red wine. You’re a cat person unless she says otherwise, in which case you are an expert on that animal you just haven’t had one since you were three. The only Spanish you know is ‘Me gustas’ and ‘Me encantas’, and the only German you know is ‘Ich bien ein berlinger.’ You love your mom. You know every French food suffix. Recite them.”

            “Erm…” Beowolf said, overwhelmed. “A la mode…flambé…erm…”

            “Never mind,” Hrothgar said. “Just act natural.”

            Beowolf brushed lint off his blazer. “Okay,” he said timidly.

            “Don’t worry,” Hrothgar said. “You can’t possibly mess up more than I messed up on my first date with the girl I liked.”

            “What did you do?”

            “Well, you should never call voodoo practitioners ‘Barbie fanatics.’ I’ll leave it at that.”

            Beowolf was quiet as he walked down the stairs.

            “That was the strangest cramp I had ever had…” he heard Hrothgar muttering to himself.

            And now he felt like the tie was choking him. The air was fog, and she was a beacon cutting through it. Her hand was an anchor and if he kept this up he was going to wet himself.

            “Okay,” he said, putting his other hand on top of hers. Just act natural.

            His legs stopped shaking.

            She smiled at him, and he found himself smiling back.

            This wouldn’t be so hard after all.

            Just then men armed with machine guns appeared all around the second floor balcony. One of them, a burly man in a tuxedo, bellowed, “Earnest Haroldson!”

            The restaurant was silent.

            Beowolf’s date turned to look at a bald, tubby man in a suit standing up. The man was bald, and Beowolf could only assume this man Earnest.

            “Daddy,” Lily whispered.

            Beowolf, seeing an opportunity here took her hands and said, “It’s going to be okay.”

            He felt her relax a little, and knew he was doing well.

            Meanwhile, the tuxedoed man said, “Look Earnest, I know that friendly business rivalry can only continue for so long before it escalates. To avoid this continuing any further, I propose a deal to keep us both in check.”

            “What do you want, Philip?” Earnest asked.

            “I, Philip Langston, am going to kidnap your daughter Lily and hold her for ransom.”

            “How much do you want?”

            Philip laughed. “I don’t want money. I want business. Specifically, yours.”

            “What’s going to stop me from calling the cops?”

            “In case you forgot, I have privatized the police in this city. Your special guard is nothing compared to them.”

            “And what if I don’t? What if that isn’t even my daughter?”

            “Are you willing to risk it?” Philip asked.

            Beowolf looked at everyone looking at him and Lily.

            “I think we should go,” he whispered as he stood up, still holding Lily’s hands.

            Suddenly there was the sound of many guns being turned on him at once.

            “Not so fast, hotshot,” Philip said. Beowolf turned and looked at him, and tried to stare him down. Unfortunately, Philip was wearing the most awesome pair of aviators Beo had ever seen, and staring down was impossible.

            “Look, guy,” Beowolf said. “I don’t think you know who you’re messing with.”

            “Who are you?” Philip asked.

            “I am Bob who is called Beowolf. Sorter of pansies. Sorter of cereals. Slayer of Swedes. Killer of IKEA. Owner of the arm. Bester of Grendel. Savior of Sam’s Club.”

            Philip stared at Beo.

            “I am Philip who is called Philip. Crusher of wills.”

            Then the bullets began to fly. People dove under tables, and Beowolf sprinted towards Lily, who was currently beneath the table. Glasses and bottles of wine exploded on their tables, sending glass shards and intoxicating fumes everywhere. The world swirled in front of Beo, and he hit his head as he crawled under the table.

            “Let’s go,” he said.

            “How?” Lily asked. Even crouched under a table and in distress-especially in distress-she was amazing.

            Snap out of it.

            Beowolf barely lifted the table and turned towards the exit.

            “Stay under here,” he said as he began to move towards the exit, Lily close by his side. Oh my God, she smelled amazing.

            Focus!

            The bullets pinged off of the floor as Beo walked with table. It was starting to get heavy, and the bullets thudding into it weren’t helping.

            Then they were at the exit…

            …and they ran full on into a mural.

            “What’s the point?!” Beowolf asked as he moved towards the real exit. They were under a balcony now, so the gun fire was halved.

            Then a grenade landed in front of them.

            “Shield your eyes,” Beowolf said as he protected Lily with his body. There was a flash and a loud bang, leaving a ringing in his ears and an after image floating in his vision. He picked up the table and kept moving, now more tired and confused than before.

            Then they were out in the cool night air. Beowolf grabbed Lily’s wrist and led her around to the alley between the restaurant and an apartment complex.

            “You didn’t tell me your dad was the CEO of Haroldson Enterprises,” he said.

            “I thought I would tell you afterwards,” she replied, looking down.

            Oh crap she was going to cry. Say something comforting dang it!

            “I’m sure your dad’s okay. They were aiming at me.”

            “But what if he gets kidnapped?” she asked as she burst into tears.

            Crap. Do something.

            He held her close and whispered, “It’s okay. Everything is going to be okay. I’ve got you. You can cry. Deep breaths.”

            She stopped crying and sniffed, “I’m sad, not in labor.”

            “I was just trying to help.”

            “You were,” she said and sniffed.

            “First things first, we have to get you somewhere safe,” he said as he led her towards his car.

            “Where?” she asked.

            “I know just the place.”

Using his spare key he never returned, Beowolf unlocked the garage door of Sam’s Club, hid the car inside, closed the door, and locked it. Then he led Lily up into the main office where the security screens were located.

            “You need to sit,” he said to her as he pulled a chair out for her. She collapsed into it, and he looked at her.

            Do something.

            He knelt down and took her hands.  “It’s okay. We’re safe here,” he said.

            Then there was the sound of a door being forced open somewhere in the building. On the security cameras, Beowolf saw some figures dressed in black exiting the garage and sneaking through the building.

            “Never mind,” he said, getting to his feet. “Let’s go.”

            She kicked off her heels and followed after him. They snuck through the halls until the reached the stairs down to the main level. They didn’t hear anyone coming up them, so Beo cautiously descended with Lily close behind. Once at the bottom, he checked to the left and right, saw no one, and led her away to the right towards the back of the store.

            In the distance, he could hear people walking through the building, their footsteps echoing. As long as they didn’t try to cut them off, they would be fine.

            Then he heard footsteps coming from in front of them. On both sides, there were people coming closer.

            Wordlessly, he led her towards a shelf. He slid between two couches, and pulled her in next to her.

            A beam of a flash light passed over their heads, and was gone. They waited a few seconds before sliding out and moving towards the loading dock.

He led her between giant stacks of unopened boxes. They were so close to freedom. The bay doors were just around the next corner.

            Then the lights in the building snapped on, blinding them. They both yelled in pain, and footsteps from all around closed in on them.

            Beo thrashed around in the brightness, and hit a couple attackers, but soon he was being held down on the cold concrete floor as Philip approached.

            “I know your past, Bob,” he said. “Don’t hide in the obvious places.”

            He heard Lily’s muffled screams as she was carried away. Then there was a sharp pain in the back of his neck, and he blacked out.

When he awoke, he was sitting in an office chair in an office somewhere. Sitting across from him, behind a desk, was Earnest Haroldson. He was studying Beo intently.

            After a few moments of awkward staring, Beowolf said, “Yes, Mr. Haroldson?”

            “The way I understand it,” Earnest said, “you were taking my daughter, Lily, on a date when she was kidnapped.”

            “Actually, the date pretty much ended as soon as we were being shot at. The rest was mutual survival.”

            “Indeed,” Earnest replied. Then the steepled his fingers, a sign that meant to Beowolf that he was about to be asked to do something unpleasant.

            “I’m going to have to ask you to do something unpleasant,” Earnest said.

            “What?”

            “If Philip is anything like the stereotypical kidnappers, my daughter will be in the basement of his mansion.”

            “You want me to rescue her?”

            “Yes.”

            Beowolf figured that if he saved her, she might get a damsel in distress complex and start making out with him when he saved her. Naturally, he replied;

            “Okay.”

The mansion was dark. The street was dark. The grounds between the street and the mansion were brightly light by halogen lights.

            Beowolf got out of the limo. He was dressed in a tuxedo and dress shoes, figuring that style points count.

            Earnest got out as well and pointed towards the mansion. “I do know that the windows on the roof aren’t alarmed. If you can get up there, you can get into the building.”

            “Alright,” Beo said.

            Earnest grabbed his shoulders and looked him in the eye. “My daughter has been in there for twenty four hours. Don’t let your practicing go to waste.”

            “Yes sir,” Beowolf replied. Then he left the limo and headed towards the wall around the grounds. The wall was about eight feet tall and had no hand or foot holds on it whatsoever. Along the top were metal points to discourage trespassers like Beowolf.

            Beo jumped up, grabbed the edge of the wall, scrambled to get his body up, wedged his torso between the points, pulled his legs up, and rolled clumsily over and fell with a thud.

            “I’m okay!” he whispered loudly, not sure Earnest was still there.

            Then he turned and looked towards the mansion.

            The halogen search lights constantly swept over the grounds, leaving only small areas of darkness that were scattered far and wide. The only way he was going to be able to get into the mansion was if someone made a distraction.

            Then the limo crashed through the front gates and stopped. Earnest was slumped over the wheel, and Beowolf looked at him.

            Then Earnest opened one eye and winked.

            The search lights all zeroed in on the limo and Beo sprinted towards the mansion. To his left, he could hear guards running down the drive way towards the limo.

            Just then, he saw one of the search lights swinging towards him from the right. Fifty feet away, the wall of the mansion called.

            He sped up, propelling himself towards the cover of the bushes planted along the wall.

            The lights were swinging away from the limo and back out onto the grounds.

            Coincidentally, they were beginning to converge.

            Beo leaped and dove into the bushes, holding back a scream of pain. The search lights swung past.

            He slowly picked himself out of the bushes and looked up. Three floors above him, the roof stuck out in a one foot awning with a gutter on the edge. He followed the gutter with his eyes until he found where it fell towards the ground and stopped behind the bushes near the front door.

            Crouching, he waddled over to the gutter. Then he heard something from the direction of the limo.

            He looked, and saw Earnest being dragged up the driveway. He looked to be unconscious, and Beowolf wondered what he was doing if he wasn’t.

            Then the guards went inside, and Beowolf grabbed the gutter and began to climb.

            Using the brackets that held the gutter in place as foot holds, Beo quickly climbed to the awning.

            On a whim, he looked down.

            The ground was farther away than he thought it would be.

            He looked away quickly and focused on the awning.

            He would have to pull himself up over the lip of the roof without the guards manning the search lights hearing him. If they did, he would have a lot of explaining to do.

            With a feeling of impending doom, he grabbed the gutter on the edge and let his feet dangle.

            There was an ominous creaking from the brackets that held the gutter, but he didn’t have time to worry about that. He pulled his chest up over the gutter, brought his leg up and ungracefully scrambled onto the roof.

            He looked around, and saw that he was exactly between two search lights, both swinging idly side to side.

            Quietly, he began looking for a way into the mansion.

When he was finished working, “The Dragon” drove home. He couldn’t keep still; the knowledge of the money in the tool box was too exciting.

            He would have to cash it in slowly, or, better yet, in a Swiss bank. That would do nicely.

            Over the next few years, he deposited the fortune (equal to five million dollars) in a Swiss bank, bought and sold stocks, rented out real estate, invested in small companies that were going to be big, and essentially doubled his fortune.

            Then he went back to the apartment building where he had found the money so long ago. It was an ugly, gray thing with ghastly carvings decorating its bland edifice.

            The place where he had found his fortune deserved better.

            The next day, he bought the entire building, and began a remodel. It would have an elegant pagoda-like look and a massive atrium in the middle that went up the entire building.

            He looked at the building, and decided that one more thing was missing.

            He went to a brass sculptor, and gave him a job to do.

            Six months later, two dragon sculptures were installed; one on the outside, clutching the sign that bared the name of the building; one on the inside, in the middle of a fountain.

            The name of this new apartment building was Dragon Tower.

            The man inspected his creation, was pleased, and settled down in the private suite at the top.

            And thus was his good fortune given justice.

After an extensive search of the roof, Beo finally realized there was only one way into the building: the chimney.

            It was three feet wide and three feet across, and would allow him to get in.

            The only thing that worried him was whether or not the fire place was big enough.

            And if he was going to suffocate. That was a worry as well.

            Bravely/stupidly, he took the grating off of the chimney, silently said goodbye to his mom, and began to climb down into the darkness.

            By wedging himself against the walls, he was able to slowly descend through the stuffy, horrid smelling chimney. He was constantly knocking flakes of creosote loose, and the tiny sound of them falling seemed loud in the tight space.

            Just when he was about to give up, his foot touched the floor of the fire place, and he dropped down and looked into the room before him.

            There were leather, winged back armchairs placed next to a mahogany coffee table. The floor was hardwood with an ornate carpet set in the middle. Along one wall were bookshelves.

            After subconsciously wiping feet on the rug next to the fire place, Beo snuck out into a hallway and made his way to the foyer.

            It was empty. There were no guards anywhere.

            He cautiously crept out and began to open doors, checking for one that might lead to a basement.

            After opening most every door in the house, Beo went back to the living room and sank into one of the chairs.

            He suddenly felt ridiculous. All of this for a girl? There were more fish in the sea.

            But if this Philip guy really was as powerful as he said he was, then kidnapping an equally powerful man might turn out bad.

            And inevitably, Beo was caught up in the middle of this.

            First Swedes, now business rivalry.

            He began to thoughtlessly push on the small, brass buttons that held the leather together.

            Then one of them clicked.

            There was a sliding sound from behind him. He got up, turned, and looked, and saw that one of the shelves had slid away to reveal a ladder dropping down into a tunnel.

            He looked down into the tunnel and saw that it was lit by small lights placed every few feet or so. It seemed to be in good condition, so he lowered himself into the tunnel and climbed down.

           

He saw the boy climbing the walls of the mansion from the security booth in the basement. By the time the boy actually managed to find the basement, he and the captives would be at the other location. There, if somehow the boy managed to reach them, he would kill him, and start with the plan.

            He left the booth and made his way to the room where the captives were tied up and knocked out. He beckoned to the guards, and they picked up the captives and slung them over their shoulders.

            Then the group went down a hallway and arrived in a room empty except for a mini gun turret and some assorted machinery on the walls.

            He went over to a key pad, typed in a code, and stood back as part of the wall swung out, opening a passage that led out from under the mansion.

            “Let’s go,” he said, and they ventured into the passage.